my new semesturrrurur....

well my new semester is looking off to a bright start, then again so was last semester, its just up to me to continue my journey~~!!!...
im reading the series of crank, and these lists of new books i havent really gotten around to but im hoping to find one is called religion is a drug.
which is basiclly explaining that well in my words, people aka christians or catholics go to church every sunday to give grace. right? wrong. some are very contradicting!( what a shocker?!) -_-.
not ALL but SOME, very religious people go to church and pray out of fear. which indicates guilt. people who were raised into religious families brainwashed to believe the more perfect you are the more god will accept. (doesnt he love "all of his children"?????) 0.o. well think about it, some big ass like ranch dude is at church every sunday with his wife, and familiaaa yet every weekend you see the same dude cheating on his wife and junk. i mean if his faith is that strong to go every sunday its just as contradicting for him to have morals such as dishonesty, and what does that teach the little ones? personally, i dont know if theyre is a god..or a soul of the world, all i know is that theyre are plenty of issues to take care of here on earth. being grateful, living life, taking risks, understanding your emotions, blah blah, so here i am on earth screwing up my life because im a "teen" making stupid decisions, so thats normal right? why should i have to give in to the contradiction myself? what does that teach me? yes im a liberal person, so i would love to do anything "darng" if you would...jerk..lol but im not going to go pretend to myself that im an innocent perfect little girl, maybe to certain people, because it would kill them to see my pessemistic attitude, and i choose to hide certain things from certain people. and "god" is not one of them if he is certainly all seeing then he would have done something a long time ago, i guess? but anyway. im not going to go cloud my mind even more than it already is with some mumbo jumbo to get my spirits up. i have self esteem and friends for that. =]