Dialectic Journal

"I'd always been such a good girl they wouldnt make the jump to 'bad' too quickly, especially if i stayed cool. I wasnt worried about getting busted at school or on the street.I'd only just begun my walk with the monster." ( pg 7) hopkins

This is Kristina expressing her thoughts on what she was thinking. you can tell she isnt feeling worried or guilty, she's just planning out her so called adventure like a teen should. I think this is important because it shows how her brain worked before the crystal meth got done with her. I think what will happen next is that she will lay low on the drug, but continue to do it.

"Not Sarah, my best friend since fourth grade, or any of my old crowd, all of whom live by the code of the D.A.R.E. pledge. I really didn't need to worry of course. All i had to do was leave things up to Bree, the godess of persuasion." (pg 7) hopkins

Here, Kristina is talking about how she doesnt know how to handle keeping quiet about her drug and where to be getting more. In Reno it was easy to find connects as a new person, but back home, she didnt have the same chance, or does she? Bree is her double persona. Bree is the monster she becomes when she is high, and she doesnt have to worry because Bree is the type of chick who takes life by the balls...What will happen next? I think she'll get exposed and her friends will notice a change in her.

"But one guy wasn't quite enough. I also ran into Chase Wagner that day. His outside wasn't as attractive , but inside he as fine. Of course, i didn't know that yet. I found out soon enough that both chase and Brendan knew the score, and both were interested in me. Brendan only wanted sex; Chase offered love. Either way, i had my path to the monster." (pg 10) hopkins

Kristina is like any other girl, interested in guys. I chose this quote because it shows she's still normal, she's not crazy, just determined. you can see that her path is on the wrong direction, because she has two choices of guys, Chase is obviously the better choice, but she doesnt seem to mind to go through loveless sex to get her drug. Why? does she want both? is this the life of a reckless teen? teen, yes, reckless no. Its common sense on what she did what she did, this is important because it shows how naive she's being. I think she will continue to spiral downward.

"Things are growing clearer. 'is there a problem,Mrs. Rosselli? I just want to catch up with old friends.' The longest pause of all. Your not their friend, Kristina. You're nothing but trouble they dont need." (pg 29) hopkins

Kristina is currently on the phone with Robyns mom, the sister of Trent, her old gay bestfriend, and she is the cheerleader who taught her how to smoke glass. It is pretty obvious that people have discovered the issue Kristina had and how much she struggled with a bad reputation. The mother of the bad influence is now telling Kristina she is a bad one. This is important because it shows the transition from nothing into everything, I think Kristina will get mad and start to tell her off.

"I apologize if I've ever done anything to offend you, or to hurt Robyn or Trent. I dont believe I have , but if you think so, please let me make it up to you.' oh yeah, I'm back in the game, and damn does it feel great."(pg 31) hopkins

Bree is back. This is what she does, she lies until she gets what she wants. (which is pretty normal for a girl!) lol. She is finishing up the conversation with Robyn's mom, and to my suprise she did not yell, she just lied. Which is less complicated? This is important because it is the first time she comes back as bree in the book. I think Bree is going to be comming around a lot more often. And mess with her head.

"I think almost everyone will agree. Get out of school or off work, put on clean clothes,and look for a way to escape reality-whether that's with alcohol,weed,or my all-time favorite:speed. I only used to use them when I was buzzed up real high, didn't mind slowing down a little. Being good all the time isn't just hard. It's dam boring.There's more to life than babies and books, and I'm overdue to go out and find a little fun"(pg 38) hopkins

There is an explination for the whole issue. Kristina is unhappy with herself, and she changes through drugs and finds herself in a fantasy world where she is having fun, and escaping from reality. I think she will find herself in a very mixed up road and shes going to wind up forgetting who she is.

"The mental bonds however, seem as strong as ever, and the piece of me that recognizes that knows I might be making a very big mistake."(pg 46) hopkins

Kristina is hungover from all the speed she had been doing, when she went to go visit her friend Robyn and they relapsed. She is talking about how being able to endure saying no to meth is not just physically hard, but more mentally. It's important because she knows shes doing wrong but why does she keep doing it? I think she will breakdown soon.

"He looks up at me with spectacular green eyes and, around my very sore nipple, smiles a toothless baby smile.That tender scene might make me change my mind, and truthfully. I have thought twice. But I don't want to think again." (Hopkins, pg 48)

Kristina is being very like stuck in denial because she's looking at her baby and cracking, because even though she loves her baby more than anything, she wants to feel how she used to feel. I think she'll realize she cannot get anything from drugs, like family moments.

"If it gets too late, promise me you'll stop and spend the nights, Mom insists. Here's some money.

Suddenly it strikes me that I haven't even thought about the money end of the transaction to come. Lucky me. A hundred will just about cover it." ( Hopkins, pg 49)

Kristina is wondering if what she's about to do is right. She lied to her mom about going to a college fair, and is borrowing the car. She is actually going with Robyn to go get high. She is observing how the coincedences around her are lucky in helping her get what she wants. Just like we were discussing with the alchemist, exept Kristina thinks it is luck. I think she is going to feel guilty for what she is about to do.

"He stops crying, looks up at me with big dark eyes, as if to say, You let me fall. How could you let me fall? That's not what a mother should do. And it hits me. Maybe Mom was right, after all." (hopkins pg 607)

Kristina had taken her baby trying to prove she can take care of it by herself. But she can't because she went to go get high in the other room and the baby fell down and bit his lip. This is an important part of the story because she is regreting what she did, i think her baby is what can fight her addiction. I think she will give her baby back to her mom.

By the river piedra i sat down and wept, and gabby thought.

I started my new book "By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept", its about a controlled young woman, and a spiritual man, who were once little sweethearts, they grew up together and faced every struggle when they were ten when they were growing up and they felt like they had this strong connection, the young woman went out to study her career that she didnt really know about, the young man went to go follow his spirituality and when the young man invites her to one of his ceremonies she's like all flustered. anyway, it turns out he loves her and she loves him, but shes scared. she finds out the young man is a very special kind of priest, he can perform miracles, and he was all wrapped up in this wierd kind of catholic religion, about two genders into one god, anywho this book is really religious. It's about understanding the right religion for you. all in all it just shows you how to take in your spirituality. Im like the character because i hold myself back a lot...and i like this book because it shows me how to break free.

running from the clock!!

yeah...it sucks to have a watch rule your life, but it helps organize it and even though it seems like it restrics you and holds you back at times it keeps you in check....until your eighteen anyway.It's really hard for me to tell myself what to do because of a certain time, i am used to doing whatever whenever, but i see that has to change. It gets me no where. When i sit down and think about what I have done i think i learned a lot but accomplished so little....i guess you need peace of mind before you make the giant leap towards proficient...at times i get lost in my ipod and read what there is to do and do it. If i keep my mentality as mature and do what you "gotta do", i do it! Im trying to improve on getting my school work done, not for other people but for myself.
Honors classes are really simple when you think about it. They give you all this freedom to think outside of the box and help you express yourself through homework! especially english class....I think this is the easiest class for me but only because it is my favorite because i enjoy everything. It's important for us to acknowledge the fact that we have a privelage [sp?] and we are lucky to do this kind of free-time-dont-forget-though kind of stuff.

To Ellen Hopkins #2

Im so freaking amazed you sent me a comment....
it made my year!
im reading glass right now.
:]
these books really do mesmoreize me...and im so glad to know that you have this positive outlet of being an author after everything which is amazing because once again tells me not to give up and not to burry myself in total guilt either.

tp ellen hopkins

dear ellen 

ive read your book crank, and im currently reading your book  sequel to it glass...i think its really amazing you stood behind your family at a time when it seemed so hard i have seen and gone through similar struggles, i think its really beautiful the way you describe every thought your daughters head might have thought, and it is an inspiration to see someone writing about there experience because we all see it but no one ever acknowledges it and to see someone overcomming that obstacle in life is a real push in encouragement to succeed. your book helps me realize certain issues i cannot see in the begining when we have a problem we tend to look at it from inside the box from only one point of view but your book helps me think about other people and how they might feel about any situation, it makes me take a step back from where im complaining and look at the big picture. i think its really amazing to know theyre are people going through some hard stuff but want everyone to know not to loose hope and to not stop trying. i will be reading all of your books in the future and im glad i discovered this one. i had heard about your books in the past but never stumbled upon them until i found one and got hooked on it. 

santiago's mind?

the alchemist"
main characters perspective: Well, i think that my vision was a miracle but a very strange sparatic one. even though it came in a quick scene it still happened and im flad it did because i really helped out and saced the oasis. it was thanks to the omens. the sould of the world has many elements and it was in favor of my spirits because i was in touch with my own observations just like any alchemist reads the surroundings.
Quote:"the secret is here in the present. if you pay attention to the present you can improve upon it. and if you improve on it later is will also be better. forget about the future and live each day according to the teachings. confident that god loves his childfen each day in itself brings with it and eternity"

Letter to Fatima from Santiago:
Dear Fatima, i really like you and i wish to marry you and spend the rest of my life with younot caring about anything else. i know you feel that our lives will be live everyone elses, i will travel you will stay, we will be married i will back dead, or alive but you shouldnt make those pessemistic assumptions, what the point of living life if you already know how its going to end? i think you have a personal legend as well just like everyone else and if you dig down you might be able to find it. i want to help.

my new semesturrrurur....

well my new semester is looking off to a bright start, then again so was last semester, its just up to me to continue my journey~~!!!...
im reading the series of crank, and these lists of new books i havent really gotten around to but im hoping to find one is called religion is a drug.
which is basiclly explaining that well in my words, people aka christians or catholics go to church every sunday to give grace. right? wrong. some are very contradicting!( what a shocker?!) -_-.
not ALL but SOME, very religious people go to church and pray out of fear. which indicates guilt. people who were raised into religious families brainwashed to believe the more perfect you are the more god will accept. (doesnt he love "all of his children"?????) 0.o. well think about it, some big ass like ranch dude is at church every sunday with his wife, and familiaaa yet every weekend you see the same dude cheating on his wife and junk. i mean if his faith is that strong to go every sunday its just as contradicting for him to have morals such as dishonesty, and what does that teach the little ones? personally, i dont know if theyre is a god..or a soul of the world, all i know is that theyre are plenty of issues to take care of here on earth. being grateful, living life, taking risks, understanding your emotions, blah blah, so here i am on earth screwing up my life because im a "teen" making stupid decisions, so thats normal right? why should i have to give in to the contradiction myself? what does that teach me? yes im a liberal person, so i would love to do anything "darng" if you would...jerk..lol but im not going to go pretend to myself that im an innocent perfect little girl, maybe to certain people, because it would kill them to see my pessemistic attitude, and i choose to hide certain things from certain people. and "god" is not one of them if he is certainly all seeing then he would have done something a long time ago, i guess? but anyway. im not going to go cloud my mind even more than it already is with some mumbo jumbo to get my spirits up. i have self esteem and friends for that. =]